A Summer To Remember

I’m so sad to watch summer go, but I cannot complain at the amazing thing this summer was. Yet this summer has been one for the books.

Out of all my summers, I think this one stuck out so  much to me because it has taught me the greatest lesson. I learned the grace in God.

Earlier this year, I loss my grandmother and that has probably been the hardest loss for me. I have moments that I think of her and of how calm she always was, and how she always just let things go. I never, in my 30+ years, can remember my grandmother distraught, upset, stressed, none of those negative things. She always seemed to have it all and have it all together on top of it. My mother is one of six siblings and my grandmother also raised two other children that were not biologically hers, so in total they were eight.

In her years, she experienced the loss of two children and infidelity. As months passed after her passing, I learned more about my dear grandmother. Turns out, my grandfather always cheated on her. He had a widow. He visited this woman every night for almost 20 years and the craziest thing to me is that my grandmother was fully aware of this affair. And she stayed. In her faith and in her promise to her husband, she stayed. She stayed with a man who broke their vows, who disrespected her and the life they have built together. She stayed.

I tell you this because this summer, I experienced anxiety, a lot of it. The enemy came for me this summer yall and I was caught off guard. It attacked my marriage and my relationships and I found myself in a rut. I isolated myself from my loved ones and went weeks with this dark cloud following me around. I was sick to my stomach at the ruminating thoughts. I worried about my children, I worried that I was not being a good parent to them. I worried about my husband and feared infidelity from him. I even worried about my friends, “did they really love me?” I spiraled down.

Then one day, I thought about my grandmother. I thought about her faith and how, despite everything people did to her, she stayed true to herself and to her God. She loved my grandfather through his affair and never once did anyone hear her complain or mope around about it. I thought about her last words to me, “mija, pon todo en la mano de dios y deja que la gente sea quienes son” (“my daughter, put everything in God’s hands and let people be who they are”). I decided to get up and pray. I opened my bible and read scriptures and wrote down prayers for my marriage, for my friendships, for my children. I called on the Holy Spirit to intervene and get me out of this rut. And I just could not help but think of my gracious grandmother and how much her faith and love for the Lord got her through all these hardships, that, if it were me, would most likely destroy me.

I tell you this story because I faced this unusual challenge this summer. Proudly, I can say that I prevailed. I found strength, peace and amongst other things, I learned how beautiful it is to have the grace of God and how powerful I truly am because He is within me. I finally felt a sense of security in who I am, what I bring to the table. I feel such joy in my heart and am happy to have told the enemy that there is absolutely no business for him here!